A Time For Slowing
In late July, I found myself in the hospital. The start to summer had been bustling with my little girls. It was my first summer caring for two audacious, very mobile children, and the balance of it all proved to be more difficult than I'd anticipated. It took time to find my stride as we got used to summer outings. Reflecting on it now, the days were often frenzied, but always adventurous. They were messy and comical. The girls were sprightly and eager for every moment of amusement they could grasp. At the end of our days together, I felt fulfilled and depleted. To make life extra riveting, Madeline refused to wear any kind of floatation device and loved chasing Meriwether straight into the pool.
But as I laid in my gown awaiting test results, I had time to think about how life had been feeling. My mind had a chance to catch up. It took that moment of stillness to realize I was back in a place where hurry consumed me. Back to feeling rushed each day. Life was happening to me. I was in a reactive state. I needed to harness the tempo of our lives. I'd been feeding off the chaotic nature of life with small children as our schedule changed with the arrival of summer. I wanted to instead, be proactive and start leading our time together with intention again. Being methodical and taking things slowly. I've realized I will often slip back into hurry when there's a substantial shift in our schedule or something unexpected takes over daily life. When those things happen, I just have to remind myself...rest your mind, one thing at a time. That's all I can do. I've also realized that each day, each hour, we force our souls through multiple gear changes with all the responsibilities and to-do's we bring on. We are trying to keep up with these busy lives we've created without allowing any time to transition from one thing to the next. I used to rigidly stack my to-do list so full, there was zero margin in my day. Get it all done at all costs. No extra time to process. Just. Go. The things we require of ourselves. Why? When life takes an unexpected turn, or we experience loss or even when you're returning from a lovely holiday away — we need to give ourselves proper transition time. Sometimes we can plan for it. Other times we need to unexpectedly give ourselves permission. So often we just muster the will to thrust ourselves right back into the the day-to-day bustle without much thought, because we feel we have to.
Once I left the hospital, received answers, went to follow up appointments and took time to heal, I decided to recenter, refocus and revitalize my regimen. I took time away from social media and really, my phone overall aside from calls and texts. I deleted email apps, news apps, silenced notifications and decluttered my phone to limit distraction and stimulation. I started reading more. I reread an old book about eliminating hurry from daily life and started reading a new recommendation from a close friend. Instead of watching mindless television to distract myself from stress or tiredness, I filled that time with positive, value add activities - like actual rest. I began to create a new day-to-day schedule and have been finding small pockets of consistency that bring more peace to my days. I've always enjoyed making a schedule and checking things off, but using this weekly tablet allows me to create and see margin clearly. I've also been taking more time to care for myself both spiritually and physically. Setting boundaries and reframing priorities. Allowing ample time for adjustment as life transitions. Being intentional as I carry out my life in a way that honors all the goals I have, which includes being a clam, present mother to my children. We must remember that we are the drop that creates the ripple.
Once I slowed down my mind and my life, I've accomplished more of what's important to me. Not all, but more. It's progress, which feels nice. I can't do everything, but if I slow down enough, it creates space to prioritize time well spent. I read recently that the average American watches more than four hours of television each day. Mobile devices take up around four and a half hours each day. That's over forty hours per week. It's quite easy to get off track in our culture, with so much noise and distraction and stimulation — but I gently remind myself that we are ultimately a culmination of the company we keep, the things we choose to watch, listen to, eat and read. Each day we must mindfully choose the things that feed our minds, bodies and souls...careful to choose the ones with nourishment. It's not always easy to do. Eliminate temptations as much as you can.
Reflecting on the late summer months, we did so many real things. We lived life. Our pace was steady. One day at a time, one thing at a time. I feel glad and thankful. We went to the swimming pool and the zoo, played outside, celebrated birthdays, battled a few colds, took boat rides and wagon rides and bubble baths, ate ice cream, cut wildflowers, went for picnics, worked puzzles, bought local peaches, baked cakes, made pillow forts, had a visit from the tooth fairy, completed projects at home and visited family in Virginia. I went antiquing, reconnected with an old friend, cleaned up lots of messes, assisted my sister with some interior projects, had lingering brunch dates, moved my body more, continued monthly Savoir style lessons, and finished sewing a summer dress for Meriwether. So much of the beauty and fulfillment we experience in life comes from the things we make, nurture and practice. The meals we prepare and share. The skills we hone with our hands. The children we bear and nourish. The gardens we plant and tend. The businesses that fuel our passions and allow us to practice our gifts.
The past few months have been a time for slowing in my life. With each unchartered phase as the girls grow, I'm learning newfound patience and learning that it's okay to let go of my own pursuits for a time. For now, enjoy and inhale the fleeting days before me. My passions seemingly have a way of waiting patiently and finding me again, at just the right time. Now that Meriwether is back to preschool, I have a couple of extra hours to explore my interests outside of motherhood. I'm so glad to be writing today and quietly reflecting. In a way, it feels like coming home.
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