2023 Reflection: Less is More

Over the last few months, I’ve been reflecting and making sense of things ― the slower season always gives me a chance to catch up and evaluate life. To linger a bit. These contemplations have turned into considerable changes for me, and I hope by sharing I can connect with some of you who may feel the same. It might also give you a better understanding of changes I've made recently and more I plan to announce soon (!!)

The thing is, I’m an extrovert. I love going and doing, seeing friends, working, chatting, and ultimately living ― learning new things and experiencing life in fresh ways is what I want my life to be. I want a full life. But at the end of 2022, I was tired. Mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally. A bone-deep tired. I took a month or so to heal from Madeline's birth, but then I kept going and doing and saying yes to most everything as I pretty much always have. I worked around nap time and mother's morning out and crammed it all in. I didn’t adjust priorities properly as we became a family of four. Madeline didn't start sleeping through the night until about a month ago, so the lack of sleep for eleven months also played a role. I was experiencing the ever-evolving routine of an infant, trying to balance family life and our home while also leaving some room to enjoy my work. Please note that most days, I did it all, very unsuccessfully.

Beyond the typical bustle of life, there were deep rooted feelings looming over me that had been there for a while. Feelings of overwhelm and hurriedness in every corner of my life. Pathological busyness had become my default setting. As things slowed down at the beginning of the year, I started asking myself,

“Where am I rushing to be? What am I hurrying to do? Why am I in such a hurry all of the time?

I was entirely overcommitted (by my own accord) and had become out of touch with the slower paced life I desire. I was creating rigid schedules for myself where meetings and to-do’s were timed back-to-back, for no reason other than I just really wanted to do everything. And as these things typically go (especially with two small children in tow), plans changed and I didn’t accomplish most of it. Regardless of that, these schedules and lists were unattainable for anyone, but even so, at the end of each day I felt like I’d failed. What I thought I should be able to do, I couldn’t. So the next day I'd wake up and immediately start again, like a lunatic.

A season of life will become hurried, and I have a hard time resetting and adjusting back into a slower pace. I get used to that level of daily intensity and it builds with time. And at a certain point, I get completely overwhelmed. I make things bigger than they are in my mind. I get stressed. I avoid. I cry. That's usually how it goes. My problem is, I don’t respect my own limits...usually out of worry that I’ll disappoint others. I know what I should do to stay in a place of peace, but I just can't say no sometimes. And truthfully, I want to do all the things all the time. I crave a full life with interesting things to do. But usually, because I want to do it all, it just becomes noisy rather than full. I’m currently revisiting a book that helped me tremendously in the past, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry: How to Stay Emotionally Healthy and Spiritually Alive in the Chaos of the Modern World. A great read if you're feeling the same.

Very little can be done with hurry that can't be done better without it.

John Mark Comer

For a long time, especially in my twenties, I subscribed to the hustle culture that dominates our society today; if you don't have accomplishments or expensive things or a business or clout or money or followers, you're not successful. You're not worthy. So we hustle each day trying to achieve more so we can have more. Be more. We assume this pathological busyness is okay...the standard, even. But busyness isn't healthy. A full life doesn't equate to busyness. At the end of my twenties, I realized I'd been skimming my life instead of living it. Meriwether helped me to realize, I was so distracted. With my store downtown and my social media and my stuff and my trips and just so many things outside of what is actually important to me.

Last year I struggled in some ways, but I gently remind myself that with the blessing of a new life, living must evolve. I tried so hard to keep on keeping on…doing it all without hesitation or consideration. But the truth is, I should have never expected so much of myself. I’ve realized I should have given myself more space, time, and leniency. At one point I considered hiring someone to help out with the girls a few hours a week, but that isn't the answer for me. That's just a way to prolong the implementation of the solution. It's another tool to get more done, which is the entire problem. Getting more done or having "me time" is not my goal right now. I can do that when I'm no longer the entire world in the eyes of my children. Right now, I want to live in these precious years with my daughters. I want to soak up as much time with them as I can. Now, we enjoy our days together more than ever.

Hurry kills relationships. Love takes time; hurry doesn't have it. It kills joy, gratitude, appreciation; people in a rush don't have time to enter the goodness of the moment.

John Mark Comer

Before Madeline was born, I would make a "life list" (every single thing I could possibly think of that I needed or wanted to do). From there, each day I'd map out “the big three” from that list. I’d choose three priorities and make small, attainable progress. I don’t know when I got away from that. It was nice. Of course, there are times when life just is…busy. Thoroughly caring for and enjoying a new baby in and of itself consumes the entire day. It requires a complete reframing of your time. But most of it for me was a lack of priorities, failing to reset expectations of myself and losing sight of healthy boundaries.

I’ve decided to dedicate the daylight hours to my young girls and our home. We do laundry together, we eat our meals together, we do dishes together. They squeal and giggle every time I turn on the vacuum and run away as if it’s a bogeyman. They make an enormous mess while they play, so we clean it up together (Madeline is excused, for now). I appreciate every day with them. I’ve stopped trying to keep them endlessly busy and instead have practiced getting them involved in the tasks that keep our household running. It's good for them to have an understanding of that. It's also good for them to "be bored" and find things to do on their own at times. I’ve also noticed as I’ve cut daytime busyness, there's been fewer tantrums, less crying and more peace. We have picnics and laugh and listen to each other and go on walks and snuggle and I think ― how lucky am I to get to be with them each day, watching them grow. I think having an older child who’s almost five (!!) helps put things in perspective for me. It’s all happened so very quickly. I’ve seen how fast the time goes and I choose to spend my time with them.

After all, how we spend our days is our life.

And I don’t want my days and ultimately my life, spent with a phone. As I write those words, I realize how sad that sounds. I just want to spend my days well while I can. I'll dedicate myself to other gifts and passions when the day is winding down, or during naps. I'll get to what I get to. I have the rest of my life to pursue other things. I'll never regret prioritizing quality time.

But when it comes to the work I enjoy so much, instead of giving up, I’m choosing to sift finer where I place my energy. Making sure I'm using the small amount of extra time doing things that bring me additional happiness and fulfillment. I dedicate a few hours each night, devoted to my passion instead of watching mindless television like I used to. I’ve set a gentle goal for myself of sharing my week's work every Friday ― which is the familiar schedule I had when I started my blogging journey ten years ago. I would enjoy my creativity every Sunday, which was my day off from work. I always looked forward to those Sundays. For the past few months, as I’ve parceled out my time and looked at my days in these simple blocks, things have been really good.

At the end of last year, I felt like I was running in circles between life and hobbies and work…because I was. Thinking back to when I started sharing on social media, those were different times. That was ten years ago – when we physically typed in someone's website URL to see if they’d shared anything lately. That was fun. How things have changed! I remember when Instagram first launched. I thought it was a photography app used for editing because I never saw any other profiles, just my own. But as time went on, the app grew and I started to notice and "follow" other creatives. It was typical in those times to share a photo every few days. You could actually only share a single photo, no videos. And in between those posts you were busy living. With the social media of yesteryear, you connected with others over common interests. You liked. You commented. You stayed there for a moment and then went on with your day. That was it. It was enjoyable and simple. Now, it’s all encompassing – by design. We can so easily get enthralled by the stories and videos and messages and posts. Up until a few months ago, I was sharing so many details of my days...which I enjoyed doing when I had the time. But I don't right now. I’d rather spend those increments of time in more productive places. I think of all the creative people I respect most. They give themselves the space and time to learn their trade and cultivate their creativity. I want to do the same. I want to create more thoughtful, intentional content. Work on bigger projects. Bring value. Have fun. Be thorough.

Good things take time.

Lastly, I've had some unsettling feelings of the societal culture of more. In my work life, I’ve made a concerted effort to share with the main goal of bringing value. To be helpful. I've tried to communicate with a thoughtful approach when it came to buying. For most of my adolescent years and adult life, a big personal passion and business of mine has been studying clothing and pursuing fashion in general. I love all things visual. But this lifestyle of persistently overspending and having more is not attainable or practical or what fashion (or life) is about. Moreover, it's just not necessary. Of course, we are all in charge of our own decisions at the end of the day, and no one is forcing us to consume; but in our modern world, it can feel like we should want more than we have. I was talking to a friend earlier this week and she told me about a podcast she'd listened to about the same topic. And as with anything she recommends, I dove in as soon as I could. In the podcast, The Propaganda of More, the host outlines how we’ve been trained to desire more, literally by design. He discusses the history behind planned obsolescence. The episode is an intriguing listen – I highly recommend.

So, in the spirit of slowing down, eliminating hurry from my life and enjoying less, I want to show up when I truly have something of value to give. I want to continue to take pride in what I’m giving. Being thoughtful. Connecting more deeply with like-minded people. I want to go back to how this all started. Ultimately, I want to build a community away from social media...a space where there is no noise, just common interest. More to come on that soon! But my hope is to continue to feel this confidence and manage this balance. Not to slip back into hurry. To keep the promise to myself of honoring my limits and politely saying no more often so I can easily say yes to what's most important.

Less is always more. In every aspect of life.